The other day, I took my son—who recently turned two—to a playpark with a relative.
He scanned around to see what options were available to him, and then ran over to the climbing frame with the slide. It was a fairly typical climbing structure: ropes, cargo nets, steps, and a slide.
My son started to climb up into the frame, but began to struggle after a couple of seconds. Our relative immediately swooped in to grab him and lifted him to the top of the structure, praising him for doing such a great job. This same pattern repeated itself a few times before I intervened.
This is a terrible way to play with a child.
The mistake, I believe, that this relative was making was in assuming that the aim of this game was to get to the top of the structure. Toddlers, of course, are never so simple. This was obvious to me, when my son immediately wanted to climb down and back up again.
My son’s aim was not to be at the top of the structure, but to climb to the top. He wanted to test his climbing legs, and enjoy the challenge of getting to the top.
By lifting him to the top, our relative was completely eliminating the fun part of the game. Like jumping out from behind the curtains to scream “I’m here” after only a few seconds of hide and seek.
I wouldn’t normally complain about something so seemingly trivial, except that there was a more significant consequence of lifting him up to the top.
By lifting my son up at the first sign of difficulty, our relative took away this opportunity for him to learn and develop a skill. My son was trying to feel his way to a solution and instead was plonked on the top without learning anything. What’s worse, she praised him for the accomplishment, when he hadn’t done anything praiseworthy.
The tacit lesson here seems to be: if something is difficult, get someone else to do the hard work for you. You’ll be rewarded for it, regardless. This is not a lesson I want to teach my son.
Instead, I believe it’s crucial to let children grapple with challenges. This doesn’t mean leaving them to struggle without support, but rather providing encouragement and guidance while they attempt to solve problems independently.
When my son faltered on the climbing frame, I saw an opportunity for a different approach. Rather than lifting him up, I encouraged him from the ground, offering verbal guidance and moral support. I pointed out footholds and asked him to try reaching for them, letting him experience the trial-and-error process.
As he climbed up himself, I could see the look of focus on his face. The little cogs in his head whirring. These moments are invaluable. They teach children resilience, perseverance, and the joy of overcoming obstacles through their efforts. Every small step he took was a lesson in self-reliance and problem-solving.
In a world increasingly focused on instant gratification, it’s more important than ever to teach our children the value of persistence. Sure, it’s faster and easier to lift a child to the top of a climbing frame, but what are they losing in that shortcut? They miss out on the joy of personal achievement, the development of critical thinking skills, and the understanding that effort is often its own reward.
As a parent, it’s my responsibility to guide my children through these small yet significant challenges. It’s not just about climbing a frame; it’s about building the skills and mindset they’ll need to navigate life’s bigger obstacles. And sometimes, that means stepping back and letting them climb.